


your shape in the doorway

by asphodellae



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Beginning, Exes to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou, Supportive Komori Motoya, Supportive Miya Osamu, Supportive Suna Rintarou, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-23 00:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30047058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asphodellae/pseuds/asphodellae
Summary: Miya Atsumu wakes up in the morning, reaching for a person who isn't there.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25
Collections: SakuAtsuAngstWeek





	your shape in the doorway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > Hello darling, sorry about that.  
> Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we  
> lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of  
> the stairwell  
> and how I ruined  
> everything by saying it out loud.  
> Especially that, but I should have known.
> 
> _Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out, Richard Siken_

Miya Atsumu awakens in the morning, reaching for a person who isn’t there. He runs through his morning routine slightly to the left, making space for a man who has probably long since moved on. Atsumu still makes a cup of coffee and a cup of tea in the morning almost a year later. Beloved habits die hard, he supposes.

The kitchen windows let energizing sunlight warm Atsumu’s skin as his body wakes up with the tea. The cup of coffee sits by the sink, steaming and full as the moment Atsumu poured it on autopilot. His tired brain sees the succulents on the kitchen windowsill and wonders how he became so similar—as all drought-ready plants are prepared to be enduring, so is Atsumu; naturally enduring as an athlete. It’s not quite the same, but Atsumu gets a little less sleep these days. He would say that he’s enduring in the matters of the heart, but that would make him a liar, among other things. What would’ve been his and Sakusa Kiyoomi’s third anniversary is coming up soon.

He’s grown quieter in the almost year since his most recent breakup. He knows the pain, now, of words that harm with and without intention. He is unwilling to say words that could require forgiveness. The strength it takes to truly forgive someone is no small amount of weight. Despite being an Olympic athlete, Atsumu had nearly collapsed. He wouldn’t wish it on his greatest enemy.

The most painful part of the breakup is still how they’d parted ways. Atsumu doesn’t want to dwell on the words themselves, he’d quickly learned that it’s not the words that matter, but the decision to say them, and how he made Sakusa feel. Nothing Atsumu had said had been a dealbreaker for either of them, but Atsumu. Poor, stupid Atsumu—he knows this now, internalizes it—had been a coward, and he’d made the decision to end things before they could get too important to him.

Sakusa’s reaction—crestfallen—haunts his every waking moment, present in the corners of his vision and the forefront of his memories. Playing a game of keep-away with himself to save his sanity, Atsumu keeps himself busy. He takes walks downtown and goes window shopping. He picks up hobbies. He works out more. Perhaps if he runs far enough, he’ll escape his mind. The bags under his eyes are perpetual: Sakusa is inescapable, even in sleep. Atsumu rests his eyes for a fraction of a moment and there he is again, standing lifelessly in the living room, the flame of hope in his body reduced to cinders. _Okay_ , Sakusa had said, pain evident, holding back tears, _if that’s what you want_. Atsumu’s throat had closed up, and only feeble excuses littered the floor in the moments afterward.

It sits there like that for months, a dusty hum under his skin that builds him up fragile yet numb to the outside world. He doesn’t bother to sweep the words up from the floor. He keeps playing volleyball. Atsumu really is a coward.

Later, Atsumu gets a text that snaps him out of his melancholy: There’s an offer for Kiyoomi from France’s men’s volleyball league. His blood runs cold.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! i'm excited to start this journey with all of you. it's gonna get worse before it gets better, but i promise it'll all be worth it in the end!! [come yell at me for my crimes on twitter!](https://twitter.com/asphodellae)


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